By: Chase Bailey
With Thanksgiving being last week, the holiday season is officially upon us. Some of you may have already made a pact with yourself that you won’t be partaking in the scrumptious food that comes with the season. Well, here are 10 reasons why you should abandon that promise and hop on the fat-wagon with the rest of us.
1. Cookies take a lot longer to go bad than a bag of salad.
Save yourself some money and go with that package of Oreos filled to the brim with preservatives. It’ll stay good longer than that sad bag of lettuce you keep buying (but not eating) sitting in your fridge. And I’m willing to bet it tastes better too.
2. You’re not actually fooling anybody with your ‘healthy eating habits.’
We all know that hummus in your shopping cart is just another excuse to eat a lot of pita chips. It’s okay, we do it too. Be out and proud like we are and swap it out for that jar of queso you’ve been eyeing.
3. Throwing out all those vegetables makes a lot more room in the mini-fridge for holiday leftovers.
You should stock up on that good ol’ homestyle cooking. Campus food can get old and I’m willing to bet you’re out of meal plan money anyway.
4. Sweatpants are a lot easier to put on than skinny jeans anyway.
The elastic says it all.
5. A few extra pounds makes you the perfect cuddle buddy.
It’s the best mechanism to keep warm with that special someone you’ve been
stalking talking to when it starts to snow.
6. Santa doesn’t leave presents for gluten free rice cakes.
Go show your boyfriend your naughty side, and don’t mess with Santa’s cookies.
7. Going to the gym in the winter is comparable to stabbing yourself in the eye.
If you wear pants because it’s cold out, you’ll get too hot in the gym. If you wear shorts, you’ll freeze your ass off walking inside. Save yourself the pain, stay in bed.
8. Nobody ever kissed under a bundle of kale.
I usually tend to dry heave whenever someone puts those leafy devils near me.
9. Holding onto your friend’s love handles is a great way to not get lost in a bar.
Grab onto that pocket of life-saving chub and push your way to the bathroom.
10. Dealing with Grandpa’s racist comments is a lot harder to do without a mouthful of mashed potatoes.
It’s a natural sound dampener, so your family won’t be able to hear your screams of anguish.